Looks like we are going.

I can’t believe it.  We fly out Sunday at 1:15 am.  Fairbanks to Seattle, to DFW.  Well, I should say that Olivia will fly out, Jordan and I are on standby guest passes donated by my friend Tonia, so may get bumped.  If either of the kids have to go on either leg by themselves, I have to get them an escort ($50).  We are waiting for some other passes that are promised us to get Jordan and I our return flights.  I have faith they are coming but I can’t wait for them at the moment.  We just need to get there as soon as possible.   Thanks so much Tonia and Kara for the passes.  The one ticket I had to buy was over $1000 but it was round trip so not too bad.

I am humbled at the amount of love and support I have received.  No one likes to talk about money, it’s not polite.  But getting down there and on such short notice cost money of which I have very little.  I’m not one to take handouts by any means normally.  But you can bet your butt that if it means my kids seeing their dad before he passes, I’ll hold my pride in check.  Hell, it’s not the worst feeling in the world to know that people care so much and that those who can, help with the finances.  For those who can’t, you are just as important.  You all are holding me up and in turn holding up my children.

Tonight we talked about what daddy might look like with the tubes and machines and IVs, that they would have to wear caps and gowns so as not to accidentally bring in germs, that he’s lost a lot of weight and would look pretty bad and that it might be scary.  We talked about how it is ok if they didn’t think they wanted to go into the room.  I offered them both the opportunity to even just stand outside of the room and look in if they wanted to.  Both of them immediately squashed that idea.  They want to see him, in person, period.  Discussing this with his nurse, we decided that I would go in and see him first then decide if I wanted the kids to see him.  No, I do not want them to see their father like that, of course not.  But I think I have to let them.  I think they need it.  I’m thinking of the long term effects on their lives and the situation of the last time they saw them, and words like closure.

It feels like we are in a movie.  It’s so very surreal.  Yes, rambling again.  I guess it is just a condition of all that is going on.  I can’t focus, I feel scatterbrained.  It’s not a normal state of being, I promise.  It’s not a comfortable feeling either.

We SHOULD arrive in Dallas on Sunday afternoon.  If Jordan and/or I get bumped, there are other flights that we should be able to snag soon after.  My sister Char is picking us up and taking us to her house in Ft. Worth where we will probably stay the night.  Then she is loaning me her Jeep to drive up to OKC.  I’ll make a stop in Duncan as that is where our family is.   I am checking into the possibility of Ronald McDonald House but I would rather spend the extra time with family then sitting in some strange, sad place.  A hospital case worker was supposed to get back to me about it but hasn’t yet.  I don’t even know if they have one.

I sure hope we don’t burn up too bad.  I am nervous about the heat just like many of  you would be concerned about coming up here in winter.  I believe there has been something like 70 straight days of hitting 3 digit temps.  Yowsa!  I used to be a sun goddess but it’s been 8 years and things change.  Now, 80 feels mighty hot.

Ok I am closing now.  I’ll try to update again before we leave tomorrow night or you know, if anything changes drastically.

May all the blessing you need come your way.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Looks like we are going.

  1. Doula Brandi says:

    Fairbanks, the same qualities that make you a wonderful doula will also make your a wonderful support for your kids, their dad and the rest of the family. My prayers are with you.

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  2. dear georganne, i’m praying for you all. hope travel goes well and you arrive in time to be able to say good bye. do not be afraid of letting your precious kids in to see their daddy. if they want to be alone with him for some time, please let them. it might be scary to you but so important for them. i’m going to light a candle now.
    blessings, selina

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  3. penelope says:

    G,

    I hope you are able to stay strong, and help your kids through seeing their father at the end of his life. I do think it’s an incredibly important thing, that they SEE him, hold his hand, and be with him at the end. Later on, otherwise, they’ll spend years beating themselves up for not taking that last opportunity.

    My thoughts are with you and your family…dying isn’t easy but it has to be done, just like being born. And when we’re giving birth, we want love and support, no different than when we’re dying.

    Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Eat well, drink lots of water, keep talking. You’re a beautiful person.

    Love, Penelope

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  4. Susan says:

    I am so glad it worked out, G. I’m so happy that so many people came together to make this happen for you and the kids. It’s so important for them to be there to see their dad at this time – as hard as it will be.

    Safe travels to all of you. Sending much strength and comfort at this difficult time.

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