We finally made it home this afternoon after a long day of flights. Seems we just about missed fall. I hate that most of the birch trees have already lost their leaves.  But there are still some colored in gold.  That’s ok though, I know I’ll see them next year in all their glory.

The funeral was the 16th.    I am so thankful that the funeral director was able to trim him up as he had been too weak for the last several weeks to shave.   It was a nice ceremony as far as those things go.   I wish I would have looked behind me at the funeral but didn’t think of it at the time.  They tell me the little church was full with the exception of only a few people on the back two pews.  I did notice that the line of cars in the processional to the grave side was very long.  That made me feel good for some reason.  My parents drove me to the grave side service and my dad said that you can tell the measure of a man by how many show up at his funeral.  With the exception of the problems he had the last few years, Justin was loved by many.

So now, to get on with life.  The kids and I are used to living our day to day life without him physically here.  But we did talk several times a week and even when he was so sick the weeks before, he would still talk to the kids when he was able to.  I am mostly sad that my kids will have to settle for just me now.  My daughter wont have him to give his masculine opinion on boys she will be dating or to walk her down the aisle when the right one comes along.  My son wont have him to work on cars with and teach him how to build stuff.  I wont have him to tell me he is proud of me and that I am doing a good job with the children.  I don’t know all the stuff I need to know. Children are supposed to have two parents, whether they live together or not.  One parent can not know all the things they need to be taught or exposed to.   Anyways, I am tired and guess I am rambling.  I guess I’ll get it all figured out somehow.  Other women do it and raise wonderful children too, right?

11 thoughts on “Home

  1. Edie says:

    I’m so sorry about your loss. My daughters lost their father at a fairly young age – he was 48 – in 1995, and they still miss him to this day.

    I wish I could say everything will be fine, but the reality is when someone is no longer in our life we do miss their presence.

    What your children have in their favor is a wonderful mother who will be there for them with a listening ear and warm hugs when they need them.

    If there is another male in your circle of friends who they gravitate to, that would be nice for them as well.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as the healing from the loss of their father now begins. And yes, you may grieve for your own loss as well – I know I did.

    Sounds odd, but there was a feeling of loss in that we would never reconcile although we had been divorced for years.

    For some reason I believe your healing will also come from the beauty of your surroundings. Just living in such a wonderful land will help your family move on after this tragedy.

    Take care,



  2. Welcome home Georganne. I’m sorry you and the kids have had to experience such sadness, and my thoughts and prayers continue.

    Don’t worry about your kids. They’ll be OK. You’re a good mom and you can play the mom and dad roles equally well. While a death is so final, when compared to a divorce or separation (which can leave children without their fathers), kids are pretty darn resilient and we don’t give them credit for their ability to rise above and *survive*.

    My boys didn’t have their dad around (he was estranged both geographically and emotionally), but I had many males in my life who were fabulous role models for them.

    Don’t be ashamed to reach out to those around you – especially when it comes to your kids.

    Is there a big brother program in town? Might be nice to get Jordan involved in that. He’s at the age when a good male role model would be such a positive experience for him!

    Love you girl!



  3. Lori Richards says:

    Georganne, don’t sell yourself short. You are amazing and you’ve got wonderful kids making for an incredible family unit! Remember so many kids have 2 parents around, yet still never get the love or parenting from either. Your kids are lucky to have had your ex for as long as they did, and lucky to have you, such a special and loving mother who is always their for them. You and your kids will do just fine..


  4. Liz says:

    Your kids are not “settling” they have a Wonderful Loving Mom, YOU!! Your doing an Awesome job, don’t sell yourself short! One day at a time girl (((HUGS)))
    Liz (FL)


  5. Moe says:

    One way or another, we continue on. Taking it one day, or even one moment at a time.. Remember, when you LEAST feeling like getting out with people, is when you really DO need to get out. We love you and we’re here for you.


  6. Wendy Gravert says:

    Georganne, I am so sorry you are hurting. Please don’t feel that your children have to “settle” for just you. You are not a settlement. You are your own wonderful self.
    They are blessed.


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