Well, I don’t feel I am moving on yet but at least sleep is coming back to some semblance of normal. I’m sure some people are confused at why things have been so difficult for me. After all, Justin and I had been separated. I guess it is just the fact that even though we no longer wanted to live together, and it was best that we didn’t, we still had him in our lives. He called several times a week to talk. Sometimes I would talk to him but the majority of the times, it was to talk to the kids. Especially in the last few weeks before the rupture, he would only have enough energy to talk to the kids. It is just hard knowing that I wont have him to talk to ever again.
And in other news, we are moving. We are leaving the little dry (waterless) cabin in the woods and moving a bit farther out. From 400 sq. ft. to a 3 bedroom house with running water. I feel like I am moving back to grown up land and there is a certain part of me that is resistant. Not that living in a waterless cabin is in any way the realm of children. It’s hard work. It’s just very bittersweet. For one, this is the last place that Justin lived with us. It’s hard to relegate those experiences to just memory when memories are all we have left. For another, living in a waterless cabin somehow made me feel more authentic. But now I think I can still save enough for my own little cabin in the woods, some day. I don’t think now is the best time to make major life decisions so I am allowing myself to put that off for now. I’m going to enjoy the winter with my children living in the luxury of flushing toilets and washer and dryer land. You can see where it got flooded 4 years ago. It supposedly only floods there every 20 years. Guess we’ll see.
It might not be a waterless cabin but it certainly is an “Alaskan” home as is the drive to get there. When I changed to a high clearance, 4 wheel drive Toyota 4 Runner, it was because I knew I would be moving farther off the beaten path. This is “farther off the beaten path”. With the beginning of winter and snow, it was certainly a bit scary driving to it the first few times. I still am very slow getting there but I think I should be able to get to work most days. I just hope to God that we don’t have another Icepocolypse like we did last year in November.
Here are more pictures of it. You don’t have to have a Facebook account to see them.
Big ass hill, that’s what I am naming it. You can’t really tell how steep it is from the video. I wonder what grade it is.
Off the main road, down the side of the mountain to the river bottom.
In 10 minutes it will be my 45 birthday. I am not looking forward to it. I guess I’ll go to bed.
Good night all.