Moving out and moving on.

Well, I don’t feel I am moving on yet but at least sleep is coming back to some semblance of normal.  I’m sure some people are confused at why things have been so difficult for me.  After all, Justin and I had been separated.  I guess it is just the fact that even though we no longer wanted to live together, and it was best that we didn’t, we still had him in our lives.  He called several times a week to talk.   Sometimes I would talk to him but the majority of the times, it was to talk to the kids.  Especially in the last few weeks before the rupture, he would only have enough energy to talk to the kids.  It is just hard knowing that I wont have him to talk to ever again.

And in other news, we are moving.  We are leaving the little dry (waterless) cabin in the woods and moving a bit farther out.  From 400 sq. ft. to a 3 bedroom house with running water.  I feel like I am moving back to grown up land and there is a certain part of me that is resistant.  Not that living in a waterless cabin is in any way the realm of children.  It’s hard work.  It’s just very bittersweet.  For one, this is the last place that Justin lived with us.  It’s hard to relegate those experiences to just memory when memories are all we have left.  For another, living in a waterless cabin somehow made me feel more authentic.   But now I think I can still save enough for my own little cabin in the woods, some day.  I don’t think now is the best time to make major life decisions so I am allowing myself to put that off for now.  I’m going to enjoy the winter with my children living in the luxury of flushing toilets and washer and dryer land.  You can see where it got flooded 4 years ago.  It supposedly only floods there every 20 years.  Guess we’ll see.

Alaskan home

It might not be a waterless cabin but it certainly is an “Alaskan” home as is the drive to get there.  When I changed to a high clearance, 4 wheel drive Toyota 4 Runner, it was because I knew I would be moving farther off the beaten path.  This is “farther off the beaten path”.  With the beginning of winter and snow, it was certainly a bit scary driving to it the first few times.  I still am very slow getting there but I think I should be able to get to work most days.  I just hope to God that we don’t have another Icepocolypse like we did last year in November.

Here are more pictures of it.  You don’t have to have a Facebook account to see them.

Big ass hill, that’s what I am naming it.  You can’t really tell how steep it is from the video.  I wonder what grade it is.

Off the main road, down the side of the mountain to the river bottom.

In 10 minutes it will be my 45 birthday.  I am not looking forward to it.  I guess I’ll go to bed.

Good night all.


14 thoughts on “Moving out and moving on.

  1. Edie says:

    By the way – hope you had a happy birthday!!!


  2. Edie says:

    I’m glad you are moving on after your loss. I know from experience that it takes time, even if you were no longer married.

    The house looks like a great move for all of you. Someday you will be able to have your ideal home, but this certainly looks good while your children are still at home.

    You are such a strong woman – I envy your strength and fortitude!


  3. Shan says:

    Wow, mine was called Moving On. Wierd. I’m so sorry about Justin. I didn’t realize how close in contact that you guys stayed. I’m very close to my daughter’s dad and we divorced 32 years ago! He’s very sick too….hep c gone unchecked for years and years ruined his liver and he has esophgeal varicies. (sp.) The docs gave him two years to live in 03, him being a biker and all…but he surprised everybody and stopped drinking. So my grandkids have really gotten to know him. Anyway, I’m so sorry…
    thanks for commenting on my little blog. I’m appreciative that you even read it. Made my day.
    Yeah…the boat took in a LOT of water. lol. Joe pulled the battery out…
    Take Care G. Got you on my mind. I love your cabin. You need a break. Enjoy it. 🙂



    • cloud9doula says:

      Shan when I saw yours was called Moving on too, I thought I better go read it and see if you were ok. I’m glad you are. That really sucks about the well.

      Justin and I had been together for 24 years, married 19 of those. We had lived together for 5 years before we got married. That length of connection doesn’t normally just go away because you are no longer living in the same house.

      Sorry about your daughter’s dad. Yes 3 of the varicies ruptured at once. They had trouble in surgery because they couldn’t see where they all were due to the blood but they finally got them banded off. Unfortunately in the end, it only mattered because it gave us time to get there and see him before he left.


  4. Looks like a good road to me & I think you will like this cabin & some conveniences too this winter. Will make some things easier. Life goes on & one doesn’t always know the beauty of it & what God has in mind for you & family. All will unroll in time. Just take the time to heal & grow with God!!!


    • cloud9doula says:

      Oh yes, see my comment to above poster. I am looking forward to what will seem like the easy life of living with running water. I don’t know what He has in store for me and I don’t need to know right at the moment. I trust that together, we will be awesome again at some point.


    • cloud9doula says:

      Ah Norma, I didn’t realize it was you at first. YOU of all people know how much work living waterless is. And I even had/have the convenience of a nearby water station and a toyo stove. While I really AM looking forward to living in a regular house and having a washer and dryer, it is only until I finish raising my children. Then I have plans on going further out and further in.


  5. bonnie jepson says:

    Happy Birthday…gosh you are young! hehee..I’m push’n 60 soooo everyone under 50 is young!~ blessing to you and your children….may the future get easier for your and your children without your husband and their father. love the new house an it sure sounds like you all deserve to have a bit easier lifestyle!


    • cloud9doula says:

      You know, when living in the dry cabin I didn’t consider it hard. Hauling water and emptying the honey bucket was just on my list of chores. But now contemplating living in a watered house, I AM looking forward to the ease it will allow. The kids can now take showers on their own, wash their own hair which was normally done by me in the sink. I wont have to pay attention to how many gallons of water we have left or if I have quarters in my pocket for the water station. Brushing teeth will no longer be a process. I must admit, I am looking forward to it.


  6. ~Sue M says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GEORGEANNE…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..AND MANY MMMORE. love you and the kids. hope to see you out and about soon.
    praying for you. Sue M


  7. Liz says:

    Enjoyed the ride to your new cabin in the woods 🙂 I love how it is laid out.
    Happy Birthday!!! Have an Absolutely Wonderful Beautiful Day!!!!!!!



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